10 things to consider BEFORE you date a drug dealer

April 16, 2010

Is he a doll or a dummy?


In honour of my friend Ms AB, who has just experienced a large fall from grace after her adventures.  Don’t say you weren’t warned before hand… 

1. It’s a job, with hours longer than most jobs – often when you want to spend quality time together.  The phone won’t stop, the people will keep turning up and the novelty will quickly wear off. 

2. It takes a certain personality to do the job – one with big balls and arrogance and the passion for always being right and good at crowd control and one up manship.  For some reason they are often control freaks.  These are not necessarily ideal traits in a boy friend. 

3. Whether you mean to or not if you share the goods it is hard for this not to end up an inequitable arrangement that causes problems – particularly when you fight.  It is probably a good idea to make clear what you can and will give to the relationship in terms of your own goods and services – it  won’t be financially equal but it can help.  It can also help if you take care of your own needs but again if you buy through him you may just give to the pot and not get goods directly and going through someone else may also cause problems.  Whether you want to know or not you should make sure you are aware of the market value of goods you consume.  You are probably getting things that are better than street value, this can also cause health and addiction problems. 

4. It is very hard to explain your boyfriend to your parents, family and many of your friends.  Unless you are excellent at lying or enjoy living a double life or simply don’t care, this will be stressful.  

5. If you work in the ‘real’ world the hours you each keep will clash, as will your attitudes to work.  If your sick leave starts to go up you need to consider you have a problem.  If you can’t understand that sitting around talking is his work and that he may sleep all day then this may also be a problem. 

6. You will be expected to be a hostess but will probably not be trusted.  Or you may be used as a gimp.  Or you may be presumed to be a drug whore and his mates will try and crack on to you.  His female clients will be jealous.  Everyone will be  pissed off it you take him away from being available to do business or just actually want to have some time together or if you try to change anything. 

7. Drug dealers are the worst time keepers in the world, they are always late – sometimes days late.  There is always a reason, usually because of someone else but if you are a timely person do expect to be frustrated and waiting around. 

8. You very much need to remember that the people purchasing goods are not your friends or even your boyfriends friends whilst they are doing business.  If there is nothing to purchase you won’t hear from them.  They may be nice to you, give you things and flatter you – don’t take it personally. 

9.  It is easy to get hooked on the drama and intrigue.  Don’t.  It is all bullshit and never ends.  It is also easy to lose perspective.  Make sure you stay in touch regularly with people outside of this world.  Get out in the sun. 

10.  We all know men like to solve problems presented by their ladies.  However problem solving here can involve getting people to dig their own graves, having people wake up with knives at their throats or at the least some nasty phone calls to sort someone out.  Trust me, it helps no one.  Make it clear you will resolve your own issues though you might appreciate his general good intentions. 

Now this is not to say that it won’t be great and good but at least 5 things from this list are bound to present you growly moments at some stage.  

Dated a drug dealer and have something to add – love to hear from you. 

Are you a drug dealer with points of your own to make? I welcome them, but don’t dare tell me you keep good time – I’ll be asking for referees to verify.  

As for Ms AB – she’s licking her wounds at the house of a friendly customer who ‘has his shit together’ which to her means he is a buyer with money and not a seller.  A bit of her soul got lost somewhere in the points above.  As well as her job and somewhere to live.

46 Responses to “10 things to consider BEFORE you date a drug dealer”

  1. Anonymous said

    ya this is kinda retarded. obviously you’re too high maintenance to date someone that has their own life. Drug dealing isn’t just a job it’s a lifestyle.

  2. Anonymous said

    I have dated AND been a drug dealer. I can honestly say that this article is basically true. My current beau is a DD and he is all of the above. He’s late, he’s busy, he’s hella jealous, and he’s generally a major douche bag. Then why am I with him? The excitement really. Well, that and he’s damn charming. I hate boredom and being the girlfriend (and ex dealer) of a drug dealer is constantly entertaining. I DO NOT recommend any kind of personal relationship with a DD as it can be dangerous. I have been hunted down by enemies of his because of our relationship and if it weren’t for my being…experienced in the field I probably wouldn’t be alive. They also tend to be major douches towards their girls to. Often, if he has a bad day or a deal don’t go down good I get the brunt of his anger. He’s never hit me but the fighting and death threats are pretty common around here. If you think you can handle it be my guest, but I’m telling you it isn’t worth it. Lord knows I’m tired.

    • Anonymous said

      How were you hunted by his enemies?

    • Anonymous said

      I’d like to discuss this at length with you- I dated a ‘dd’ for 3 years and needless to say-things didn’t turn out too well. But I didn’t understand a lot of what was happening around me, a combination of naïveté and denial…

    • Anonymous said

      I know exactly how you feel. I am also an ex dealer, and have dated a few dealers. My current beau is a very high end dealer and he isn’t mean to me (unless he’s pissed off) but he is ALWAYS late, and usually can’t see me for very long anyway. It’s hella’ stressful and tiring but the excitement is undeniable. His rivals have gone after me a few times, but thank God I’m experienced in this kind of business.

  3. Lil foot said

    We all flip kilos for a living in our hispanic culture. I never treat women with dis respect ever .. Women arnt attracted to a hard head drug lord. But if you know how to change your personality with your gf vs clients then your the greatest supplier in tha world .. Also girls are all attracted to me as a bad boy every girl wants a bad-boy whos rich think about everything posted above and youl be a genus

  4. No name said

    I’m currently with a DD, & I have to say he’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. .
    True the phone does ring a lot. But I come first. PERIOD.
    He’s not mean… And he spoils me.
    It’s exciting and great being with a bad boy who has money but is a gentleman.

  5. Anonymous said

    This story is so confronting. Most points you are spot on. I really want to quit but my whole social life is also centered around the business… Greets from Amsterdam.

  6. Alysha said

    And just remember… U will always be 2# never his 1# he’s 1# is pussy, money, weed..

    • arae said

      I’m not for sure if I’m dating one but I’m starting to c the signs. Ive never actually caught him hut he is being really shady. Changed his phone number once in 2 mons of knowing him, leaves every night for a couple hours, random phone numbers on his phone that he keeps saying are wrong numbers due to the change, only met one of his friends one time & they are always busy. Or he invites me out with them then changes his mind. I don’t think he has a code on his phone but he is real protective of it, takes it to the bathroom when showering. Sometimes he would go to show me some photo on his phone, I would reach for the phone to look closer and he wouldn’t let me take it. I finally called him out on it and he said no but then asked if it was a dealbreaker for me, and what kind of drugs were a dealbreaker for me and when i said pot wasnt a hig deal he started defending all drugs. Lets just say he is done. The lies are too much….oh and he is always late…I used to call it his Jamaican time bc that’s where he’s from….but I’m hip now

      • arae said

        Oh yeah and when leaves for couple hours at night he is telling me that he is going to a pretty bad area in the city to hang with his friend. No one goes there on a reg basis to hang with a friend and just yeasterday he was going to do business with this friend now…but feels he doesn’t need to tell me what. Then acts like I’m all crazy and everything is in my head. He has more anger lately too. Not physical but verbal/body lang and he says pretty mean shit about women in general

  7. Anonymous said

    It’s important for a dealer to have a ”wifey” type gf that’s down with you. A good dealer doesn’t use drugs himself, aims to move up and improve his business and is a good provider for his family and friends. With those responsibilities comes a lot of stress and that’s where the wifey comes in to help you lessen the hectic lifestyle. A ”reset” button if you will. She will know your deepest secrets and problems and give you good feedback and advice, she will be there to tell you don’t do it when you have a moment of impulse and she is your best friend and homie. If you are a real dealer don’t get involved with female custies or gold diggers that just want the benefit of dating you.

    • Anonymous said

      this made a huge impact on my perspective about my relationship with my dope man boyfriend of 5 years and counting. its frightening how you were on point though, now I know how much I mean to him. it all makes sense! you, my friend, have saved my relationship and there is no possible way I could thank you.

    • Anonymous said

      This is the best post in the world. So helpful and true. ^^^

  8. tha dealer said

    I can clearly see that the person who has written this article has watched yo many movies and never even met a drug dealer

  9. helpppp said

    well, im four months into this and just wanna know how far I can push the fact that I don’t like it. he says he loves me and I can tell its true, but its hard to not feel like second best sometimes with him being out all the time without communication. so many hours go by and its hard not to worry.. how do u guys deal with that??

    • Anonymous said

      what’s a dope man w/o communication???!!? sweetie, it just takes A LOT of patience and trust. my boyfriend of like 5 years and counting, he’s a dealer and he’s constantly busy and stressed so I try helping him out w/ carrying the money and some of the work and do a little bit of serving. its not much yet it makes a huge difference on the both of y’all. view it as “partners in crime” rofl

    • Kristin said

      End it. I just ended a almost 10 month relationship with a dealer. Business and friends will always be more important. Trust me I worried day and night about him. It’s not worth the stress, leave while you can.

  10. Lala said

    Hours go by you don’t hear from him, the first few months is exhausting, then you adjust, then you decide whether to stay or to go..but you do eventually get use to it and freak out less. One thing though, you gotta learn how to trust blindly, you can’t be too demanding, you gotta be hella understanding and just make sure the time spent working (away from you) will be beneficial to you two’s future and not just spending $ on bullshit…But love conquers.

  11. Anonymous said

    agree with much said above,arrogant,selfish,liars,talk ONLY about the dope,mix with people you normally would.nt…real fun when they can.t get anything-bad tempers,abusive,basically they don.t keep a partner and most end up alone like delinquent teenagers.my partner,just a small time dealer,thinks hes a hero for bringing the dope or his suspect so-called friends seem to think so.aagghhh its pathetic.he works -when he can and in between that and his dope NOTHING ELSE exists,middle aged /teenager!!thats why they end up bitter and alone .am interested in hearing more about what women have BEEN through than idiotic love struck girls,believe me babies,live with it longer and you stand to lose a lot.they are control freaks,often very arrogant and often abusive.love doesn.t conquer,commen sense does .


  12. Anonymous said

    forgot to mention i.m finally leaving him ,he smells too bad!!!

    • SeenTheLight said

      Yup – possessive and controlling of everything including their women. Emotionally abusive – I also got the “who you dressing up for?” I say, “uh, honey – I’m going to work – yeah that’s right, in an office” and he starts thinking crazy – like I’m screwing every guy on the way to work and while I’m there. NO TRUST – They don’t trust ANYONE so don’t take it personally – just get out.

  13. Chanel said

    I used to date a drug dealer and all if this is definitely true, and I’ve learnt you can’t except to be loyal all the time, because if those jealous chicks who send death threats.

  14. Anonymous said

    My ex was a former gangster & drug dealer. The only reason we broke up was because of reason #4 – I had to spin up a story for my parents while we were together, but I knew I couldn’t keep it going forever. We are more than best friends to this day, as he is the most caring, loving, and faithful guy to the girl he loves. The image that he puts on is merely a fake image, not all of them are arrogant and selfish.
    But one phrase he said stuck to me, “Once a gangster, always a gangster.” So advice to everyone out there, be sure you can handle it before hopping into the relationship!

  15. RM said

    Can anyone tell me what reason a drug dealer would have that would force them to have to marry someone?..but only for a certain amount of time? I could go into a lot more detail but I’m just looking for some kind of answer to this. Because I can’t possibly think of any reason as to why a drug dealer (a female drug dealer at that), would have to marry someone. And btw, that “someone” is another female. Answers? Please…

    • Anonymous said

      If one of them gets in trouble for selling drugs and goes on trial, they don’t have to tell on each other. It’s law. …married spouses don’t have to snitch on each other.

  16. I recently got involved with a DD. He is an immensely sweet person, however I already know that the relationship will not last. He is a Meth addict who has been clean for nine months, however I understand that he will not be clean forever. One night, he’ll slip, and I own that possibility. He only sells pot, which I am luckily okay with. The funny thing is that we get along so well even though I have never had even a sip of alcohol in my life, much less marijuana or drugs.
    Is it worth my time to have fun with him for now and just go my separate way in a few months or a year or should I just cut my losses now? Thank you for your honesty and help,


    • Anonymous said

      Cut ur losses don’t waste time n life

      • Anonymous said

        Cut ties before you’re in too deep. That is a long dark road you’re headed down and that’s exactly where it all starts. Do not be niave.

  17. cc said

    Been with mine for 7 years. Just recently started to sell, mind you he was selling when we met but I don’t count that.! I hate it, it’s pathetic and morally bankrupt. BUT we were also broke. BROKE BROKE BROKE! so I get the”baby, it’s just for a little while” spiel. Nifty. He’s gone all night, misses my nephew’s birthday, is late, and quite frankly is being shady. I enjoy the don’t ask don’t tell policy we have in our household. I don’t want to know what goes on but I just can’t stop thinking about skanky coke hoes. He’s gone for hours and comes back reeking of pot so he was obviously hanging out at a buddies.

    Siigghhhh… Throw away a 7 year relationship because I’m having trust issues with my dd boyfriend? Ha. These are the days of our lives.

    • Kitty123 said

      Ugh just reading all these comments make me feel so happy im not the only girlfriend of a DD that feels like this! I’m with him nearly a year and he’s recently moved out with his friend that he sells with. When we first got together he said it was only “temporary” so he could save to go to Berlin cos that’s where we’re planning to move to. It’s really taking over our relationship, I’m crying all the time because I feel 2nd best CONSTANTLY! He never ever made me feel like that before. I tried to talk to him about it last night and he told me he doesn’t wanna argue about it because I’m never gonna be ok with it but he says it’s the only way he can make money. He also called me a hypocrit because I take drugs too, I disagree! I wouldn’t take drugs for the rest of my life if it meant he would stop :( we never get time together properly because he always has to run off somewhere for a few hours or meet somebody or he’s on the phone. Now don’t get me wrong he’s a good guy but I honestly think he’s so wrapped up in this that it’s taking over his life and I’ve been completely replaced, as stupid as it sounds. Even when we’re on dates he’s miles away! I don’t know what to do anymore.. :( I feel like because he knows he’s good at it and can sell, he’ll start doing it even when we go to Berlin and our hours will clash their too because of my 9-5 mon-fri job!! Ohhh help somebody :(

  18. Pretty said

    I dated a DD, very short time, I found kind, paid attention to me, first I stressed over age difference, I am considerably older. Was wanting find info in hope he would want a law abiding life if he met the right person. I desperately wish he would realize in a other aspects his potential and what a great life he could have not selling. My biggest fear, it consuming him and me getting into trouble, guilty by association. He doesn’t deal in front of me, I don’t know anything that happens. Im usually at work, I questioned him having a decent amount of money ….. Is there statistics of DDs quitting for a relationship and not return to it, % of that awesome experience happening. IT is the only reason I pushed him away, sigh.

  19. Mia said

    I am a nurse…I date a drug dealer for 3 years now. We even have our names tattooed on eachother so the love was there arc some point. As I’m maturing I find myself more in love and involved with my job while he is still just obsessed with his…I told him that these lives cannot co exist especially because we have children and we are expected to act as adults. He told me his job comes first and we won’t be able to be together if that’s how I feel. I have helped this boy so much in his adult life I’m just so insulted to be left in the dust that way…I don’t know if it’s because he has no education and this really is the only job he will ever have and defends it like one of his kids but…the big picture is the police know and once he’s caught hell have nothing. Yes, it was glamorous and the money is lovely but no amount of money is worth losing my kids or a job I love. It’s just hard to accept someone can toss 3+ years of a relationship away…I never loved someone so much. But then the adult in me kicks in agsin an decides I don’t want kilos of coke under the same roof my kids sleep I don’t want to know other drug dealers and I don’t want to be constantly offered drugs or lied to. I just feel he may have thought I was a different type of person than I am, and now it would best to separate, just very

  20. annonomys said

    All of this is true. I’d also like to add that living with a drug dealer can be very nerverecking. Currently all of the traffic swarming inside of our house is ridiculous. It sucks wanting to just hang out at home and sit and have a nice dinner when there are always interruptions and also people testing out the drugs inside in front of you. It gets uncomfortable as well as hard to be around. Me being an ex cocaine addict. It’s not easy having it around me. Bc once it’s offered I’m all in. Also my boyfriend has temper problems, used to be dangerous and now settled down. There’s a lot of things wrong with dating someone like this. If I can’t get him out of it..I don’t know if he ever will

  21. thatlonequeen said

    This, this has been my life for the past few years, it couldn’t be more true, dating a DD is one of thee single hardest relationships you will have to endure.. get ready for alot of lonely nights because he’s gone 24-7, jealousy amd trust issues constantly, arguments about money, feeling 2nd best all the time, and buying lavish things to make you forget how stressed you are being that ride or die, best friend, therapist, employee, partner girlfriend.

  22. Saya said

    I got into a relationship with my good friend, we are coming up on a year mark of being together. He recently went away for work on a production, honest living…he hadn’t worked in over a year, in that time I helped providing food and clothes and whatever else to help him feel better/show my support. I just found out he has gotten into amphetamines while he has been on this job, reason being to stay awake for the long hours and to cope with the stress of being away from home. He has used drugs and dealt in the past, he now just wants to come back buy a gun and deal again. Whereas before, he had wanted to continue the honest living and have us move in together. I don’t do drugs…occasionally will smoke out to fall asleep, grew up with a strong religious background, make an honest living, and am very simple not after money or anything of that sort. I tend to be very caring and take care of the people I love and I genuinely love him. Already I have noticed changes, communication is a lot less, when there is he is in a bad mood or experiencing anxiety, when I call his phone goes straight to voicemail–a distance is forming. He has been asking if I can take it on…the fact he wants to deal again…from what I learned in love, a woman stands behind her man. I guess I am writing this for advice, I really just want a simple life…I know I need to talk this out with him in person when he returns and see just how much/how bad the amphetamine use is which is my primary concern. I don’t even know that if he deals again if that would mean he gets back into other drugs like coke.

  23. edie said


    Ask yourself: Would you date a regular guy who had 4 phones?


  24. edie said

    Its a shame when you realise they’re actually really sweet and you want to give it a chance, but alarm bells ring when you realise the guy doesn’t even have enough time to text you to initiate a relationship properly…plus for every text you receive that makes you think differently there are 5 that say “fire nugz”/”dank chedz” :|

  25. Ryan said

    I have been a dealer 7 years and was in a relationship for the last 4. My business ruined my relationship in the end when things weren’t going so well but while things were good, she was fine with it. I quit my job “for the summer” (turned into a year) because.i lost money going to work. She liked that I was home all the time, could buy her a car and diamonds and go out for dinner every night, and when we would party, there was never a shortage of dope, we got free shit all the time, respected anywhere we went in town… like Henry Hill from (from.goodfellas) said “we were treated like rock stars with muscle”. But she got scarred when things got “too serious” and bailed. I tried going legit to get her back, but I can’t imagine leaving the life… it’s too good. Though it’s not a.life I would recommend getting into unless you plan on losing everything when things go bad… which I did and they always do.

  26. Liz said

    It is what you make it… The guy I’m currently dating (that will most likely turn into something more serious) sells not only pot (I’m a pot lover myself) and also sells harder drugs.. No it’s not at the top of the list of things I like about him but I’m not one to judge.. He’s been to college, he has a side company (that I’m pretty sure is a cover up business) and most importantly, he’s good to me. I trust him, I feel safe around him. He always puts my needs first and is a gentlemem. He’s also a few years older than me, has his own house and I love the maturity. I have to admit it is thrilling to date a DD, not only for the free drugs but I truly feel great being around him and can’t wait till the next time we see each other. I had no idea Id ever fall for the guy… It’s one of those situations where we both recently got out of a relationship, are taking things slow, but I can’t help wonder where is this gonna go? Is that the kind of man I want to be with and confine in? Sure it’s not your every day job, I like the uniqueness of it. I have no doubts that in the future he would support me, even a family perhaps. My main thing is, when you’re dating a DD how can you be sure you aren’t apart of his sketchy work? Meaning, he’s sketchy in general for being a dealer, so can I really count on him to not be sketchy behind my back when I’m not around? Idk whether I’m wasting my time or just having fun.. Could this really work? Help!

    • Simply_Amazing said

      You know what doll, if you are happy then stay with him! My bf is the same we’ve been together just over m 6months & he’s amazing! He has changed (for the best) as I knew him before he was a dealer.
      See how it goes and if he still treats you like a queen then stay with him! x

  27. Anon said

    UGH im “dating” one long distance. He was in love with me and i am wifey… but he cheats like all the time… so Im just over it. I hate when hes gone for long periods of time. He get kidnapped, and people text my phone saying they are gonna kill him… mind you this is long distance so its like what am I to do. I used to pray all the time for him… I just can’t anymore.

  28. Jazz said

    It’s nice to know I’m not the only girlfriend of a DD that feels like this! I want to know though, the way I met him was pure fluke. I’ve had several opportunities to meet him before as I was close with his friends, but only now our paths have crossed and it is very stressful. He treats me like a princess but can have occasions where he listens to his friends and treats me like shit (but will go back to being cute the next day) I have read the comments and many of you have said ur man leaves u while ur with him whereas mine completely ignores all of his lines and it’s up to me to force him to answer. Is this him testing me or does he take our relationship very serious? He has often told me that I make him “want to get off the strip” and that he wants to wifey me, and run away together (sooo cliche lol) I’m wondering if he’s just saying these things or if he means it? He completely changes around me, he’s cute and sweet then switches up when somebody interrupts our time together (switches on them not me). Before I came along he was completely focused on his money and he often tells me he’s not a sweet boy & he’s a gangster etc. but our relationship has proved otherwise. He constantly contradicts himself. I’m getting stressed though, I can’t lie to my parents about him so I tell them I know nothing which makes them more annoyed. He is always late by HOURS (which I’m getting used to) but when I’m late he gets annoyed and goes to buss a sale, which ultimately leaves me waiting still. I love him, I’d put my hand on the book and straight up lie for him, I’d go to prison for him, anything he needs I got or ima go get it. But I can’t deal with the constant switching, lying & lateness! Should I just leave while it’s early? Or will I get used to it? (It’s been about a month or two) please help :(

  29. Simply_Amazing said

    I’m currently in a relationship with a DD and I must disagree with some of these points.
    He treats me like a queen and keeps his business separate from family life. I have only ever had one complaint about what he does and he took what I said into consideration.
    He is a great boyfriend and has been there for me through everything.
    I’m not with him for the money as I work at Uni and any money he has used to spoil me, I have put in the ‘holiday tub’
    I’m with him as he’s an amazing person.
    Out of the two of us, I’m always late and he has never been a douche to me or the kid.
    I think it depends on the person rather then the business.
    My experience being with one isn’t that bad.

  30. jamilababy said

    Ive been trying to find someone who understood! My current bf is a hustler/ dealer..beyond the word. He travels majority of the time and i cant talk to him as much and it drives me crazy. He is an avid poker player and comes to my job which is a casino and stays at the hotel weeks at a time when he isnt out and when i say i get so irritated trying to keep his attention and focus!!! Now in a few weeks ill have him all to my self for a week for vacation birthday trip but im nervous. But the crazy thing about this whole situation is my grandparents like him my mom and my friends but i just cant shake that worry girlfriend syndrome….he constantly tells me things to keep my mind at ease. but worry just sets me into a frenzy

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