Is he a doll or a dummy?


In honour of my friend Ms AB, who has just experienced a large fall from grace after her adventures.  Don’t say you weren’t warned before hand… 

1. It’s a job, with hours longer than most jobs – often when you want to spend quality time together.  The phone won’t stop, the people will keep turning up and the novelty will quickly wear off. 

2. It takes a certain personality to do the job – one with big balls and arrogance and the passion for always being right and good at crowd control and one up manship.  For some reason they are often control freaks.  These are not necessarily ideal traits in a boy friend. 

3. Whether you mean to or not if you share the goods it is hard for this not to end up an inequitable arrangement that causes problems – particularly when you fight.  It is probably a good idea to make clear what you can and will give to the relationship in terms of your own goods and services – it  won’t be financially equal but it can help.  It can also help if you take care of your own needs but again if you buy through him you may just give to the pot and not get goods directly and going through someone else may also cause problems.  Whether you want to know or not you should make sure you are aware of the market value of goods you consume.  You are probably getting things that are better than street value, this can also cause health and addiction problems. 

4. It is very hard to explain your boyfriend to your parents, family and many of your friends.  Unless you are excellent at lying or enjoy living a double life or simply don’t care, this will be stressful.  

5. If you work in the ‘real’ world the hours you each keep will clash, as will your attitudes to work.  If your sick leave starts to go up you need to consider you have a problem.  If you can’t understand that sitting around talking is his work and that he may sleep all day then this may also be a problem. 

6. You will be expected to be a hostess but will probably not be trusted.  Or you may be used as a gimp.  Or you may be presumed to be a drug whore and his mates will try and crack on to you.  His female clients will be jealous.  Everyone will be  pissed off it you take him away from being available to do business or just actually want to have some time together or if you try to change anything. 

7. Drug dealers are the worst time keepers in the world, they are always late – sometimes days late.  There is always a reason, usually because of someone else but if you are a timely person do expect to be frustrated and waiting around. 

8. You very much need to remember that the people purchasing goods are not your friends or even your boyfriends friends whilst they are doing business.  If there is nothing to purchase you won’t hear from them.  They may be nice to you, give you things and flatter you – don’t take it personally. 

9.  It is easy to get hooked on the drama and intrigue.  Don’t.  It is all bullshit and never ends.  It is also easy to lose perspective.  Make sure you stay in touch regularly with people outside of this world.  Get out in the sun. 

10.  We all know men like to solve problems presented by their ladies.  However problem solving here can involve getting people to dig their own graves, having people wake up with knives at their throats or at the least some nasty phone calls to sort someone out.  Trust me, it helps no one.  Make it clear you will resolve your own issues though you might appreciate his general good intentions. 

Now this is not to say that it won’t be great and good but at least 5 things from this list are bound to present you growly moments at some stage.  

Dated a drug dealer and have something to add – love to hear from you. 

Are you a drug dealer with points of your own to make? I welcome them, but don’t dare tell me you keep good time – I’ll be asking for referees to verify.  

As for Ms AB – she’s licking her wounds at the house of a friendly customer who ‘has his shit together’ which to her means he is a buyer with money and not a seller.  A bit of her soul got lost somewhere in the points above.  As well as her job and somewhere to live.